A lot of people think that having faith means never having fear. I politely say bo-lo-ney. Yes, I know I didn’t spell it right. I’ve heard the Oscar Meyer song, but I still call it bo-lo-ney not bologna. Maybe you would say hogwash or use a term that would get me in trouble if I wrote it, but you know what I mean.
I am full of faith, and boloney some would say, but having faith has never given me a get-out-of-jail-free card for not wanting certain things to happen. A great American leader once said we have nothing to fear but fear itself and though I like the sound of that speech, I have decided to just not be sacred of fear period.
Sometimes I get scared and I have to move forward anyway. The feeling of fear is in most cases just that, -a feeling. I don’t think courage or faith is advancement without fear near as much as I believe it’s probably more like moving forward in spite of fear.
Bump in the night
I’m not scared of spooks or the ghosts of Confederate solders but there is a recurring nightmare I have had at least a dozen times. In my dream I step up to the podium to a giant stadium full of thundering applause. When it all finally dies down, everyone waits for me to say something brilliant when suddenly I realize I can’t think of anything at all to say. It goes on for several agonizing minutes while a fumble through notes I can’t read and try and say things funny while no one is laughing. It’s terrible.
It might sound stupid to you but for a guy who is always in front of a crowd of listeners, I guess it makes sense there would be some part of me that would fear a loss of words. –Yeah, like that has ever happened in my loud mouth history.
So tonight I sit down to write this weeks confession from a highly caffeinated Christian and have come across a very rare but a little bit intimidating case of I’m-not-sure-what-to-say-itus. Right now I have that same feeling I had when I was kid and felt like something was under the bed. It’s yucky.
I completely understand it. I was in Mexico last week from Sunday night til late Friday night working on a new live worship album with my band. I did a huge concert, three hours of live TV on a Mexican station and spent the rest of the week in a studio. After 11 hours drive time I got back just in time for the big food outreach we do on Saturdays. We gave away over 15000 pounds of food to over 500 people here locally and even cooked hamburgers for the lot of them. It was so much fun. On Saturday night I had a meeting on leadership for a small group of church builders and went to bed after midnight. This morning we had our usual back to back services and I just got home from a baptism service where we baptized thirty seven brand new believers. This week my son graduates High School and my twins turn sixteen. It’s a marathon time for the Brewer.
So in the midst of all of my busy-ness I stop for just a moment and wonder if I am really keeping my priorities straight. Do I love God, my wife and my kids the way I’m supposed to? I think so. Yes I know I am. Am I grateful for the life I get to live even though I am often a little overwhelmed? Yes, more than ever, I believe.
In the quietness of my room the only thing I can hear is the typing of my fingers and the sound of the TV on the other side of the wall. The glow of my computer is the only light in my room and the ambiance causes me to think deep about all the faces and encounters I have had this last week. My life could be so different.
So if I didn’t have writers block I would sit down and write something worth reading. In spite of the fear of not having anything interesting or meaningful to say I would really like to type something that helps somebody love God or love their own life a little bit more.
Well who knows? Maybe I just did.
Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God. Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything. 1 John 3:19-20 (NLT)
Contact the Brewer @ www.FreshFromTheBrewer.com