LETTER RIP!

This week’s confession from a highly caffeinated Christian comes perking with a feisty rant for true Christianity. As an opinion columnist, I get to cheer on the good guys the way I want. I also get my share of hate mail and thought we’d read one together as I fire back a response reminiscent of Travis to Santa Anna.

“To The Brewer,

...You are an interesting and intelligent person. It bewilders me that someone like you could believe in such nonsense as Christianity.

I have heard it said that it doesn’t matter if you believe in God, but I say it matters because people like you who believe in imaginary beings are delusional. It matters because people who talk to imaginary beings are delusional. It matters because people who believe in imaginary superstitions like prayer are delusional. You and people like you, worry me.

You answer non-relevant issues but never answer questions, like why God doesn’t heal amputees and why Christianity supports slavery? You’ll never answer those questions.

It’s that simple, and that obvious. Your religious belief hurts you personally and hurts us as a species because they are delusional.

You are a smart person. It is time for you to use your intelligence to free yourself from these delusions. It is time for you to begin thinking like a rational human being, rather than clinging to imaginary friends and childhood fantasies.”

Dazed & Confused, Burleson, Texas

Ladies and gentlemen, the rant will now begin.

Dear Dazed and Confused, in the words of the late Ann Landers, “There is a geranium in your cranium.”

Number one, nobody ever asks me those questions because they don’t go to the same liberal websites where you mined those questions. While you accuse me of dishonesty, you’re not even sincere enough to come up with your own gripe. When you spend so much time hating somebody you say isn’t real, who’s delusional?

To answer, I ask you where in the Bible is it promised that if someone looses an arm, God will miraculously grow it back? There are 31,171 verses in a King James Bible, and I am not aware of a single verse that promises a new foot if you fall under a train.

Furthermore, how do you know God has never healed an amputee?

When you say Christianity supports slavery, I think what you mean is the Bible supports slavery. It’s funny to me that non-believers say the Bible supports slavery while those of us that do believe the Bible can see it doesn’t. Maybe you have to actually read the Bible in context and not just a scripture strategically placed on your narrow-minded websites.

Let me ask you a question on this same subject. What are you and your atheist brothers doing to prevent slavery right now? I can tell you what we Christians and Bible believers are doing. None of the slaves in Sudan or the children sexually enslaved throughout the Caribbean are hoping the atheists of the world will unite and help them.

I have personally bought human beings in Mexican trash dumps and in northern Uganda. I bought two teenage girls in Costa Rica to bring them out of a brothel and into the care of a church in San Jose. I did that for the same reason you do nothing: my belief in Jesus. My Christian faith spurs me to take action.

When you say our religious beliefs hurt us and humanity as a whole, I know you are smoking mental crack.

I have been to India many times where there is a Hindu temple on every corner but never a hospital or an orphanage. It’s Christians that go there and build those things.

I have been to the Middle East where there is a mosque on every corner and have never seen a single women’s shelter, or an orphanage or old folks’ home. No Christianity, no humanity – go figure.

Do you know that despite the overwhelming wealth of the Roman Empire, the Egyptian Empire, the Babylonian Empire and the Syrian Empire, they never did anything for the betterment of others?

In all the world’s study of great nations, there has never been found one single example, through inscription or archeology, that these societies had one single hospital, housing for the poor, a food bank, an orphanage, an old folks’ home, not even one single college or university. Nations never had any of these things until the Bible got into the hands of the common people, and Christians began acting like Christians. What you call delusional is in fact Life and Life more abundantly.

To this day, there has never been an atheist who put together a Constitution that gives the people power. Where are the lines of examples of atheists clothing the naked, healing the sick, helping the poor and encouraging the people to do great things?

Every good thing in this country has happened and will happen because of people that follow the teaching of Jesus Christ or non-believers who adhere to civilization that was brought on through the teachings of Christ.

So on behalf of Christians everywhere sir, enjoy your freedom, your education and civilization in general. On my personal behalf, and in the words of the prophet Flo from Mel’s dinner, “Kiss my grits!”

Contact the Brewer at www.FreshFromTheBrewer.com

The Critic Gets Critisized

This weeks’ cup of Jehovah java comes with the idea of what it takes to get a fight started and it doesn’t take much. These days it’s either war or rumors of war, just as Jesus said it would be, so sit back and let this highly caffeinated Christian say a word about the intent of the confessions in these columns.

My Dad’s Bigger Than Yours

When William Wallace was headed out onto the battlefield field, his friend asked him where he was going? “I’m going to pick a fight,” he replied. He didn’t come there to look at the enemy, he came there to actually engage and accomplish something. He was the real deal and so should we be.

I am not here to pick a fight but I am here to be the real deal. Since my “ideal” doesn’t go along with that of others, sometimes I can peg a person’s “cringe meter.” That’s not what I want to do, but just like coffee, a strong dose has its side effects.

My column is read by a lot of people in a bunch of different cities, these days including the hometown flagship here in Joshua, Texas. Because I am out there giving my opinions and views, I run the risk of ruffling the feathers of good and bad people alike.

All God’s Fault

It’s by design that I stir up trouble and rave on coffee…God’s design. My name really is Brewer and brother Webster defines a “brewer” as one that brews or a troublemaker.

I don’t like confrontation and friction but I have found that you are going to get a lot of it when you go against the grain and dare to be different; in other words authentic, genuine and real.

Post Cards from Hell

For about a year now, I have begun to acquire a steady pouring of written response to what I write. Some of it, encouragement and appreciation but a lot of it is what I fondly call “hate mail.” There is not a week that goes by that I don’t get something from one camp or the other and I really enjoy reading both.

Some of my hate mail comes from sources you would imagine, such as people that have an absolute agenda against anything Christian. I have had two actual death threats in the past 4 years that are related to the “Fresh from the Brewer” and amazingly, both of them were from women. My Christian response is, “no weapon formed against me shall prosper.” My Texan response is that there are some tough females at Open Door Ministries, and they will beat you down like a red headed stepchild.

The Art of War

Other such mail is from church folk that get their religious drawers in a wad because there is not a stained glass attached to my column. Others are from ministerial armchair quarterbacks that have no relevant ministry of their own, nor the guts to actually apply action to their faith so they make a ministry out of trying to tear down others. They call themselves “Watchers on the Wall.” I call them Humpty Dumpy wannabe's.

Playing It Safe

I believe that the way of Jesus Christ is as Erwin McManus puts it, a barbaric and dangerous way. I think when God calls us he calls us to go out on a limb into risky, hazardous and vulnerable places. When we play it safe, we give up relevance and I am authentically afraid of spinning my wheels. I am not the lobster in the tank that just wants to blend. The passion within me wants to color outside of the lines to make a significant difference. I don’t want to bury my coin as Jesus illustrated, I want to use it for all it is worth and to me that means not trying to be like everybody else.

So in trying to be funny and interesting to read for Christians and non-Christians alike, I run the risk of being called “an uneducated idiot not fit for print.” In encouraging people to give their lives and hearts to Jesus Christ, I risk being called, “a typical right wing evangelical that preys on the stupid with the fairy tale notion of everlasting life.” In not being churchy and using pop culture, I risk being called, “another pathetic example of worldliness in modern Christianity.”

I have been called all of those things and much worse, but for me, it’s proof that I am following the Lord into “all the world.” Its barbaric, it’s powerful, it’s authentic and real but it is not safe, easy or religious foo-foo. We just have to be thick skinned enough to boldly be who God has called us to be long enough for God to get good mileage out of His investment in us.

So in the words of John the Revelator, I end this column like he summed up the bible, “May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you all, Amen.” I really mean that for those that love me, and those that don’t. To my critics and writers of hate mail, the words of the prophet Flo from Mel’s dinner come to mind when I say, “Kiss my grits.” Ha! And that to me is funny.

Contact: The Brewer welcomes your input at FFTB@OpenDoorMinistries.org or by phone at 817-297-6911. Please visit us online at www.OpenDoorMinistries.org